co.in.luvWho am I?

This is a very big topic and my reason to share my view is my personal desire for all of us to have fulfilled and live contented lives as singles and or in our union as couples, designed by our Maker. This desire stems from the fact that I have had experienced a rocky journey in my own marriage and am still not ‘perfected’ in this field either. Coaching doesn’t require me to be perfect but just to help others horn the skills needed to grow towards ‘excellence’, which is, doing our best.

With 7 years of dating my then girlfriend and fiancé and 28 year of marriage, with a 26 year old daughter today, I feel I can share some stories for the mutual benefit of all. My hope is that, the pitfall I address in these emails can be totally avoided or it’s impact at least lessen as we journey together. New valued based information will always motivate us to review some of our previously ‘taught’ wrong decisions so that new habits can be cultivated in some new areas or any old faulty patterns realigned.

To start with this end goal in mind, let’s review single hood and “who am I?”

Growing up I remembered the poor condition we endured as a family of eight and our need to be self reliant within the scope of our poverty mindset, as nobody was there to coach or guide us to handle our daily needs. Amongst other things this included working off a plot of land to grow our own produce to eat, which was supplemented with rearing chickens and ducks to batter trade their eggs, for our daily provision from the wet market.

Reflecting on this now I recall my late father, who had worked in the Indian navy and how he brought both my mother and my two elder brothers from India to live in Malaya, as our county was then named. In this strange land with no relatives or friends they had to start from ground zero. Many were their hardships including raising 6 of us. Walking for hours was a daily activity, as even the fare of the common transportation, the bus, was unaffordable for us.

The questions I would like us to ponder on now are:
Can we decide if we will be born complete or lacking any body parts?
Can we decide where our birth place is?
Can we decide who our parents are going to be?
Can we decide if we will be born rich or poor?
Can we decide who will be our siblings?
Can we decide on the type of support we will receive?
Do we follow our fathers’ faith or the faith of the land we live in or we decide this?
Are our lives fated to be this way, so we just don’t do anything?

Reflect on this song by Casting Crowns: ‘Who am I?’

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
‘Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

As a child to a parent we have their DNA and learn many of their behavioral patterns, as a child to a belief we will have a ‘GODLY’ DNA and learn ‘GODLY’ principles. We all have a source from which we come from and some follow our parent’s belief system and some our own belief system which we adopted when we could reason as adults. This belief or faith is something which needs to grow and will not happen on its own. Like physical growth needs food on a regular basis so does this ‘spiritual’ growth. We will not grow on both accounts if we are deprived of ‘food’ and therefore the saying: Faith come from hearing these ‘godly’ principles and hearing regularly or daily these ‘godly’ principles brings about maturity. These principles then need to be translated from head knowledge to heart’s conviction and eventually into regular habits, so that it’s a lifestyle!

The question then as I conclude, for those who are single and us who have past singlehood is, do I want to grow.

Who am I?

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